Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
