We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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