I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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