I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
