I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
