Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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