the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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