super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This house was built for laser tag.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize