meet me or not, i'm out of control
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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