i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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