I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
