I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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