I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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