Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
