So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
