brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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