I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
