were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
