I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
