did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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