Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize