Your dad touched me again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
