i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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