they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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