I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
