you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
