He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
