We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
