Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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