she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
