You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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