my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
