I faked an abortion last night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
