Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
