Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize