I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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