It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
