Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
