The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
