I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the condom got lost in my hair
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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