are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
