Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
zippers are such a cool invention
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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