I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
