I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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