I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
