Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
