Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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