the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
