I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
