there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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