is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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