I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
