Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize