he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
