People with herpes should wear stickers.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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