the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize