just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
