I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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