I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
