did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
