Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
