I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
