May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
