So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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